This blog is such a smorgasbord. I am an organized person and like to mentally put things in neat, sensible boxes. And so I can’t tell you how hard it is to not delete old posts that feel like they don’t belong or to start anew when I feel like my voice has changed. – which it does quite often. My interests and passions are always changing, rotating in and out, changing with the seasons.
Some of those seasons, I get jazzed about getting back to snapping photos and want to put the effort into vamping up my site, trying to organize it and keep it consistent in tone and feel…..and then 2 weeks later I stop. At this point its because I love photos and using photos to tell a story so much that if we don’t do anything that’s photo worthy- I have no content to share..and so I don’t.
But I love the idea of keeping a journal for the simple reason of having something to look back on and see where my head was at and see what I was up-to 3 years ago that one summer, or hopefully to show my future children what life looked like for us as newlyweds. But when that means posting those thoughts out there for anyone to see, especially through the platform of a public blog, suddenly it gets very real very fast.
I have turned away from the idea of sharing my inner most thoughts. The introvert in me loves to ponder and process internally and to be honest, transforming them into a well written journal of life is scary! But at the same time really good for me (and my brain) to do. To unload those thoughts in a way that helps me understand them. In grade school I used to love to write. I would write pages and pages of stories in notebooks for fun after school. Over the years, sadly I stopped writing and traded those notebooks in for after school sports, but the excitement of writing has always been burning down deep inside of me. Rarely do I give into this desire to write- mainly due to my fears of being judged, but I would love the chance to face my fears and learn that I can in fact, beat it.
Lately I feel a change happening on the inside, where I want to let go of so many of the little fears I face, and of the baggage of stress that comes with it. I have this feeling that maybe writing and keeping this journal- regardless of whether I have a pretty photo to attach to it or not – will be the outlet that my soul so desperately needs.
Even after writing a few paragraphs just now, I can see how the process of translating thought to written word can help me make sense of my thoughts and come out the other side with a clearer perspective.
My hope is to keep this going for real this time. Thoughts and words and stories and photos and life. A smorgasbord of life.
…But hopefully a lot of photos because I still love the photos:)